We often describe what love is. And it seems that, in our own ways and understanding, we have created a lot of meanings and definitions of this word. Some meanings are simple, some are clichés, some are vague, and some are really deep. Despite the diversity of our understanding about what love is, we at some point, share a universal meaning of what this word really means. But what about the things that it is not?
Sharing you some wonderful thoughts about what love is not, from a Christian seminar that I attended last time.
Love is not ALWAYS about positive feelings
We are aware that love is a positive emotion. It makes us feel good and happy. But truth be told, love is not always about that. If it does, then no one has to cry and be lonely. We have to realize that love is also about pain and sacrifice. You get hurt because you gave so much care for others. You get lost because you give away a part of you in the process. And this is not wrong. Because pain makes us feel alive and sacrifice makes us realize what we have and treasure it. Pain and sacrifice are always part and parcel of love. So don’t fool ourselves that love alone is about wonderful feelings that lift us in cloud nine.
Love is not ALWAYS about saying ‘YES’
Saying YES doesn’t mean that you are doing the right thing for the person. It doesn’t always mean that you are showing your love for him or her. In any relationship, it is important when to say no and when to stop. If we continue to spoil our partners or the people we love by doing whatever they want us to do, then we are not fully loving them. We are just making ourselves slaves for them which in turn does not do them any good. We are not fully being true to them and to our self when we say yes but deep inside us we are screaming to say no. Furthermore, saying yes has an accompanying responsibility that we have to live up. And this does not mean that it will do you both good.
Love is not defensive
When you defend, you try to protect something. When you become defensive, you are starting to create walls between you and the person you love. When you defend you create barriers. Love widens our understanding. It does not need reasons to see the truth. It doesn’t need words to explain it. It‘s just about trust.
Love is not manipulative
Some problems in relationships root on the fact that people get possessive towards the people they love. Some even try to mold people into someone they are not. We are loving people and not things. These people also have lives of their own that don’t revolve only around us. We should not stop and control them for the things that they want to do. If we do, then we are not loving, we are just merely possessing them like objects.
Love is not self-seeking
When you decide to love someone, you decide to share your life with that person. There is “US” in love. It is not only about gaining. It is also about sharing. When you truly love, you tend to consider first the other person’s benefit before considering yours. Love is not selfish, it is selfless.
These are just some of the things that love is not. And I know you also have some thoughts about this matter. Why don’t you share below some of the things that you think love is not. And maybe from that we can have a further understanding of what really love is or is not. #lessthanthree
You may also want to read this: Dangerous things we don’t know about love