I once fell in love with a guy. And for a while, I thought, that guy feels the same way too towards me. So I enjoyed the sweet company and endearments we shared. However, days passed and the bond we shared together seemed to disappear slowly.
Despite this, I still like him. And I cling to the fact that he still feels the same way with me. But then again, I found out that he is already with someone. More than the shocked and the pain of knowing this, is the feeling of being betrayed by the person you love. I know that we never confirmed our feelings for each other nor put labels on the relationship we have. But the sweet nothings we shared are enough for me to confirm whatever it is between the two of us.
That is why, even though he is already with someone, I still cling on to the memories we have together. I know it is impossible to be with him. But I am still hopeful that I was right about the feelings we have before. So for years, I was imprisoned with this idea. I smiled whenever I think of the times we were together and cried when I realized that it won’t happen again.
It took me a long time to release whatever hope I have with him. I would like to know his feelings towards me at that time. I would like to confirm if I was right that our feelings was once mutual and it would be even possible for us to continue whatever we have started.
But it never came to this. I waited for the right time to ask about us. But I grew tired of waiting and I lost all the confidence I needed. He was now happy and contented and I know that it will do us no good to ask about the past.
The time I have spent imagining about us, have swallowed the remaining happiness and love in my heart. But I have no choice but to accept everything and get out of the illusion that I made for myself.
It was hard at first, but later on it all became easy. I know that he is not an illusion. What happened with us is not an illusion. It was a good memory. The only illusion was the things I have created and wanted to believe.
There will always be that one person in our life that will continue to hunt us, leaving us with the question, why it never worked or why it never happened.
This unanswered question or unsettled business will continue to create a false hope of being in love with the person. Since there is still an unanswered question in our life, we will continue to hold on to this question and our mind will even create answers, that is favorable to us, only to satisfy the pain we are feeling.
Even though we are mentally aware that our subject of love is non-existent or out of our reach, we still choose to hold on to this pretense with the hope of someday it will become a reality.
Illusions and love are two different things. But in man’s loneliness, and sometimes desperation, the big gap that separates the two, disappears. For as long as there is no concrete evidence that will close the deal of whatever unsettled business we have, then we will continue to live in this illusion. That is why, most people fail to fully move on with their past love.
The first step to moving on is acceptance. If we fail to acknowledge this fact then it will really be hard for us to move forward.
Nobody said that accepting is easy. As much as we want it to become immediate, it doesn’t work that way. It is a process of trying and trying until you finally master it. The process may be hard but the result will definitely pay off.
Moving on is not also easy. Just like acceptance, it takes time, sometimes a very long time to leave everything behind and move forward. Even though it is difficult, it is not impossible.
The only thing that we have to acknowledge about moving on, is that we are capable. That we want to move forward and that we are willing to forget the illusions that we cannot.