Why it is hard to abstain when you are in a relationship

Frankly, I don’t know.

Being single for 22 years, I have never been in a situation when my logical thinking was challenged by the need of the flesh.

But thanks to my friends who have been in relationships for so long that I was able to learn about these things and be open about it, that I think somehow will help me to explain and answer why it is hard to abstain from sex, especially when you are in a relationship.

Going back, I never thought that one of my most conservative friends will be the one to tell me about her sexual encounters with her ex. I have already put my friend in the pedestal of the most pure that it became hard for me to think that she has these kinds of encounter. She is still a virgin though.

My friend had a long time relationship with her first boyfriend. Being together for a very long time, she has slowly developed a sudden need, or more appropriately desire towards her partner. She suddenly became aware of that hot feeling whenever they are alone together or whenever his skin touches hers.

According to her, these moments are utterly maddening. She can’t stop the increasing desire creeping in her whole body and she was on the verge of doing something just to sooth that desire. This is the first time she has felt this, and she has no idea that this intense desire is possible.

Hearing these from her, I was really stunned. I can’t possibly imagine her feeling those kinds of emotion. But I didn’t judge her. Eventhough, I don’t have the right and the reason to say I understand her, I somehow have an idea on why she was feeling that way.

She and her boyfriend have been together for a very long time. Years of togetherness have made them too aware of each other. They were able to know each other well. We could say that these times have helped their relationships to become stronger.

I believed that, as love continues to grow, we tend to develop an intense urge to show these growing and uncontrollable love. This sensation has led mere cuddling and kissing into a next level intimacy.

In this time and age, people are becoming more aware of their needs. People are becoming brave and vocal about things that were once between matured people and marriage couples. This awareness and knowledge have given us reasons to be confident in getting what we want and to satisfy our desires, whether how inappropriate and untimely they are. Furthermore, since this kind of deviant attitude is being practiced and promoted by many, it has slowly become a norm.

Gone are the days when people believed that you will get a girl pregnant just by kissing her. Now kissing can be done by mere strangers. Considering this reality, what more can we expect from couples.

I have heard a lot of couples saying that it is truly hard to restrain yourself whenever you are in an intimate situation. Just the number of teenage pregnancies and unwed parents will show us that these couples or people are too weak to battle the need of the flesh.

I am not condoning or judging these people, they have all the freedom to do whatever they want to do. Furthermore, I don’t have the right to moralize about the evils of fornication. I can’t also utterly say that I am a good example, for I haven’t been there and I don’t know what it feels to be there. But I just want everyone to be aware that since the need for intimacy is an innate thing in us, we should atleast be logical in making decisions that can change our life forever and affect those people around us. I am aware that being responsible is easy to say but hard to fulfill, but this is the least thing that we can do if we dont want complications in our life. 

I truly thank my friend for sharing this sensitive topic to me. I am so proud of her for acknowledging these things but most proud that she was able to think with reason during those circumstances. I can see in her face that despite breaking up with her ex, she was still happy and contented that she is still complete and unscarred.

Chastity is a challenge for this generation. Sex is no longer a gift enjoyed by married couple. Sex is now just a thing being shared even by strangers. And abstinence is a miracle. 


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