The Reason Why I Keep on Repelling Guys

I am just an ordinary 22-year old girl. However, instead of dresses, shoes, salons and make-ups, my vices lie into Anime, manga, Coplay and action figures.

I still adore cute skirts and fancy nice-looking shoes. I also occasionally go to salons for a little makeover or cleanup. But if our house is burning, I would probably throw myself into the fire to save my Anime collection first.

I know that I sound very impractical, but this is just an exaggeration of how I go about my priorities. I admit that I do have some weird and nerdy taste compared to a normal 20-something girl out there. But my preference to these kinds of stuffs doesn’t have to exclude me to the rest of the female populace.

I am still normal and ordinary. Despite my growing addiction to these fictional things, I still have that sense of reality. Unlike most addicts and nerds out there, I don’t mistake my life with the things that I watched or read. I don’t create imaginary and unrealistic images or scenes or incorporate Anime-related influences in my life. Having this kind of fetish is just a part of me and is not ALL of me.

However, it seems that this particular PART of me has affected a certain aspect of my life – my LOVE LIFE.

My friends did not fail to remind me ALL the time that my addiction to these nerdy things is something that prevents me to fully socialize with the opposite sex and explore the worlds of HUMAN RELATIONSHIP.

I am really moved with the kind of concern that they are showing me. I know that there is truth in what they are saying. But, honestly, I don’t really think of it that way. I know that it is kind of immature on my part to still like these childish things, but as I have said, these are already a part of me. These material things have given me a kind of happiness and fulfillment that is difficult to explain. I know that this is a misplaced affection. But I am not the kind of person who would easily give up something that makes me happy for the company of a partner.

My friends have accepted me for what I am and therefore, there must be someone out there who should be willing to accept me this way as well.

But I know this is not really the issue here. My preferences for Anime and other related stuffs is just one of the reasons for my inability to attract the opposite sex. The truth is I seem to have this negative force that makes guys avoid me. Perhaps this is because of my inability to imagine myself having a romantic relationship with a guy much more with a girl. I can’t seem to fathom the idea of being with someone, right now.

I believed that everything should start with an idea. And if I cannot seem to have this romantic idea towards a person, then the possibility of making it a reality is very much unlikely to happen.

I am not that picky, as long as someone can offer a decent conversation, I am already fine with that. I don’t think I am ugly either. I am not that stunning but I pretty much have a decent face.

I am not also elusive or anti-social or a man-hater. I can be with the opposite sex for more than an hour. However, the thought of dating a stranger is something really challenging for me. Moreover, I also seem to be no good around with guys. I seem to repel them in ways I don’t understand.

Honestly, I don’t care if I don’t end up with someone. Right now, I enjoy the kind of freedom that I am getting from being single. Moreover, being with someone right now is one of the least things that I am worried about. Besides, there are other things that can make me happy aside from being with someone.

I believe that we can’t avoid being alone, but loneliness is a matter of perspective.


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