Why sometimes it is our fault we are called sluts

I was called a slut, to my horror, not once but twice. The first one could be just an accident or a spur of the moment comment, but to hear it the second time is different. What makes it worse is that it both came from the opposite sex.

I can still remember the stunned feeling I had when my friend told me about his boyfriend saying that I am a bad influence. My friend was really kind to say it frankly in my face and I really appreciate her effort of trying to explain why her boyfriend thinks that way.

I have not seen her boyfriend. The only encounter I had with him was during a fireworks display show where he saw me wearing a floral see through blouse with matching shorts. My outfit could really leave nothing to the imagination, but I made sure to wear a cardigan to remain modest and decent. But my efforts of being decent seem not enough to the guy’s taste for fashion.

At first, I find the whole story ridiculous. I try to defend myself, but then, I realized, any excuse is already useless. I was already judged by that person, and the damaged has been done and obviously irrevocable.

I was upset. For someone who came from a religious and conservative family, that remark is something surprising. But I was also partly to blame for that situation. Indeed, I should have worn something more decent and modest at that time.

Since that encounter I decided to be careful with the clothes I wear. I stopped wearing that floral see through blouse and stop wearing/buying shorts and settled for pants, leggings and knee length skirts.

My taste for conservative fashion has fairly gone well, but I still miss wearing shorts especially if the weather is really hot. I thought my sacrifices will pay off. However, another circumstance has slapped me again in the face.

I decided to wear a cute floral blouse with matching pants in a convention. My cute blouse failed to hide my pink strap bra, and one of my friends jokingly called me a slut for that. I was again stunned to hear the word coming from his mouth. I never expected him to say that, of all people. But again, even though there is no malice and it was just a joke, still the word has sent some negative feelings to me. He was sorry after that and tried to convince me that he meant no harm and it was just a joke. But then again, this doesn’t change the fact that he has said it, and that jokes are sometimes half meant.

I dropped the subject, but until now, I can still feel the pain and embarrassment upon hearing it from a friend. I don’t want to blame him since I instigated something that made him say that. In short I was also at fault. I should have been careful with my choice of clothes.

In this world, one of the things that we cannot control is other people’s comments. We don’t have that privilege to filter out the things that we would like to hear from them. The least thing that we can do is to be careful with our actions. Because what we do will always reflect on how they perceive us.

Like for example, if I don’t want to be called a slut, I should refrain from wearing revealing clothes. I should remain decent with the kind of outfits I want to wear to avoid being bullied by other people or worse be sexually harassed or taken advantage to.

On the other hand, slut could just be a term for some. But to say this to a woman is something that I think is improper. It is very derogatory and offensive. It could crush her confidence and sparks all the insecurities inside her. It can send negative and unwanted feelings.

Words are powerful. Even if we don’t have bad intentions with our words, it still can send negative feedbacks to the person we are talking to. It is always better to be prudent with our words, because at the end of the day, our choice of words can also reflect what kind of person we are. 

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3 thoughts on “Why sometimes it is our fault we are called sluts

  1. I’m 55. I have never called, or made reference to a woman as a “slut”. Not because I am some type of prude. The word cannot describe my feelings, so I do not use it. . You should be able to go ahead and wear what pleases you.

    At this stage in my life, what else is there but the appreciation of the beauty of women? …and nature, yeah … and of course the joys of children , I will give you that : )

    If you wear a sexy outfit … well, I’m probably going to look … but only for a moment. Hope that does not bother you. I would not dwell on it or comment on it negatively.

    1. Thank you for that. Hope that all the guys out there think the same way too. I would really like to be free on the things that i want to wear. It is not that i am seducing or implying something. I just want to be good in ways i know. Again, thank you for your thoughts. 🙂

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