“My apprehensions of the future, the pressure of today, and the failed to plan in the past, are the things that led me to this mediocre life. “
At the age of 22, I should be grateful to have a permanent job which compensates me higher than most of my age received. I should be thankful for having a work that is not the least bit difficult. In my whole stay in our company, I cannot remember any instance where I have exerted more physical and mental attention that would have stressed me for a whole week.
Moreover, rendering exactly 8 hours of work five days a week is perhaps one of the ideal schedule for an employee. Not to mention the convenience of a short travel between your office and your house every morning.
Having this kind of job is a dream come true, for some. But I have to be true to myself, I am unhappy. And the passing days only confirms my unhappiness with my current job.
Considering the high rate of unemployment in this country, I should be grateful to have at least a permanent job that would help me support my family. Indeed, supporting my family is one of the reasons why I continue to strive harder, but it is not the only thing that I wanted to do.
I want to do something for myself. I want to take a risk – a BIG risk.
I want to leave the mediocre life that I am having right now. I don’t want to be the kind of employee who gets paid for rendering services to people. I don’t want my life to start with opening my office computer checking emails and ending the day at home sleeping. I want to be different. I want to do something beyond this.
But I know that taking risks, giving everything up just to be different, is something that is not easy. I know that I have to sacrifice everything I have right now, even my own family just to find that happiness and fill that void in my life.
Moreover, I am not fully sure if the risk that I wanted to take is worth taking. But losing or winning doesn’t really matter to me. All I wanted to do or to feel, is that risk in my life. I know having a compulsive attitude towards everything will get me nowhere. And being stubborn about this matter will just sink me more to my own grave. But still, doing something that I haven’t done before is perhaps one of the most appealing things that I wanted to do right now.
In reality, if not for my family, I would not care about money. It is actually the least bit of my priority (perhaps because I have not experienced so far the feeling of being so broke).What I want to feel right now is chasing my passion, whether I get paid or not.
I don’t want to chase success with a mediocre office job. I want to be good at something until success chases me.
With my current work, every day is a drag. I feel like a zombie, brainless and lifeless. I cannot feel the fire that I once had when I step out of school full of dreams from having that paper diploma.
As I try to look back at the years I have spent studying and dreaming about success, I forgot the most important thing that successful people do. That is to plan. Yes, I have this plan to succeed, but I fail to plan HOW I will succeed.
This is not the work that I have imagined when I was in college. But as I try to recall, I can’t even remember the kind of job or life I wanted after I graduated. All I have are vague dreams of success. That is why I have grabbed the first opportunity of employment without considering my future or that passion in me. That I think, my friends, is the biggest mistake that I am currently suffering right now.
My apprehensions of the future, the pressure of today, and the failed to plan in the past, are the things that led me to this mediocre life.
There is no one to blame for all of these but myself. I believe that we, ourselves, are the only people capable of making ourselves unhappy. I keep on reminding myself that it is ok to be sad, but it is our choice to become miserable.
The least thing that I can do right now is either to leave and take that BIG risk or be contented and happy with whatever I have right now. Whichever it is, my happiness depends on me.