Cycle of separation

Loneliness-1

I may not be one of the kids who cried all day long in their first day of school while their mothers patiently wait for them outside. If I can remember, my mother was not even the one who walked me there. My indifference was not the same with my other classmate. Some of them were crying, others went home and there were those fighting with each other. However, in my case, I manage to talk to some and that was the first time I socialize and made friends with other people.

I sure did make a lot of friends after that. When I was in elementary, I normally spend more time with my friends than with my family. The feeling of having friends to back you up and to share all your dreams and stories is something that I never thought I would experience.

However, as I graduated from elementary, I seem to have graduated as well to that bond I have and shared with them.

My first days in high school were not easy. I was alone and surrounded by strangers. The feeling is so depressing that I was always left thinking about my elementary friends.

For me to overcome the loneliness, I tried to adapt and repeat what I had to do when I was in prep school. I try to socialize and make friends again.

As I open again myself to this process, I found out that there are a lot of interesting people beyond of what I know. I also discovered that I am not the only one who is feeling the same anxiety of being stuck with strangers.

I sure miss my old friends badly every time I think of them. But my new friends helped me to move forward and overcome the emptiness I am feeling whenever I remember them. The bond that we shared is also deeper than that of my previous friends. From them, I learned how to dream bigger and be independent.

However, no matter how much we want to be together we have to separate in order to move on and reach for our dreams.

That’s where another cycle begins.

In college, there was again the anxiety of being alone and stuck in the world full of strangers. To overcome this, I again tried to socialize and meet other people, hopeful that they too would become my friends.

It was not that long until I found my new set of friends. But this time, I feel like I was more mature in dealing with them.

Unlike the talks of “friends forever”and “walang iwanan” the conversation became more serious and realistic. We talk about our careers, plans and dreams. And the pressure of being with them for eternity was gone and out of the picture.

The friendship that I manage to build with my college friends is not that perfect. Just like any other relationships there were arguments and fights among us. And those times made me feel again lonely and made me terribly miss my old buds.

I have graduated in college and was faced with the realities of the corporate world. There was again that feeling of anxiety. However being faced with it many times, somehow I understand it more and mastered what I need to do even though the people in the corporate world are not as kind as my friends or classmates.

I have learned a lot from all the separations that I have experienced. This kind of separation may not be as heavy as losing someone we so much love. But the separation I have with my friends is still something that I dreaded to experience.

However, the separation that I have felt is also one of the factors that I learned how to be independent.

We all have our own lives and I realized that in this world we have to accept the fact that our friends, as much as they want to be with us whenever we need them, are NOT always available. We have to look for ourselves and be strong.

There may be friendships that were left in the past and may not be the same in the future, but that doesn’t mean that the memories that we have with them will disappear. They may just be memories but these are reminders and evidences that once in our life we were with them and we became a part of them.

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