“Do you think he is still a virgin?”


I am already beyond the legal age, and there is no point I cannot talk about something that is ultimately and inevitably “necessary” and that is sex.

One day, I asked the above question upfront to one of my favorite friends referring to her first love.

Being a loyal member of the No Boyfriend since Birth (NBSB) club and coming from a conservative family, this kind of conversation is something alien to us.

However, since we are old enough, I thought that it’s time to discuss things that are inevitable.

I expected her to immediately answer “Yes”.

However, I was surprised that she took her time and hesitated for a moment before answering “Yes. He is just the type of guy who has high respect on girls.”

I knew it. Despite all the odds that had happened between them, she still sees the guy as the perfect one. Or more to say she has created a perfect image of the guy.

After hearing her answer, I confronted her. I told her that the boy may not be virgin anymore.

He is a guy after all. A man is a man. He has needs that need to be satisfied. No matter how strong his control can be, when everything has been laid down in front of him, he will grab it without hesitation.

This may sound biased since I am speaking in behalf of those who have vaginas. But I think this is reality. Just like women, men have weaknesses, and women are men’s greatest weakness.

Then after voicing out my opinion regarding the topic, she then threw the same question to me. For a moment, I flushed.

Just like her, I never thought that I will also hesitate for a moment in answering the question. I was never in a relationship with the boy I like. And the only things that I cling on are the times we spend together and the kind of person I perceived him to be. So after a moment of hesitation, I gave her a hard laugh.

When I have regained my composure, I instantly dropped the argument by giving her the same answer she has given me.

I thought my answer would end our debate. But she surprised me suddenly with her thoughts.

“If I found out that you are no longer a virgin, I will hate you forever! I will kill you!”

Well, that was a pretty bad warning for me. But then, I was not afraid of it. Firmly I clarified my stand.

“I may have finished all books of E.L. James and continue to read Sylvia Day and Johanna Lindsey, I am still firm on my choice to stay a virgin until that right time comes. So, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you won’t have the chance of killing me.” (I am well aware that I have sounded hopeless-romantic by saying this.)

I am not at all offended with what she said. Actually, I am more amused and flattered, that my friend is concerned about me.

I saw the smile on her face with my answer.

Then she said, “Virginity is a choice.”

 “Virginity is a choice.” I repeated.

Changing the topic, I again asked her what she wants in a guy.

 “So if you believe that perfect guys don’t exist, what are the imperfections that you would accept in a person?”

I know it would be hard to answer something like that without sounding and becoming bias. So I decided to give her a run down.

I gave her qualities of men that are physically, emotionally and mentally disturbing and challenging, like having vices, mouth problems, womanizer and with kids.

Out of the all the options I gave her, she only accepted 2% of all the imperfections that I have laid down on her.

With firm conviction I told her, “See! You are indeed looking for a perfect guy!”

She immediately defended herself.

And I was amazed with how she put words together to give me one of the most sensible thoughts I have ever heard.

“I want an imperfect guy, whose imperfections suit me perfectly.”

And from there, everything makes sense.



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